It’s 1.37 am on a Sunday morning and my late night procrastination has led me here. My eyes feel heavy but my brain won’t switch off, it’s just nagging me about all the things I need to do, should be doing or should already have done but haven’t. I was going to save something for the morning, but figured I may as well get it out of my system in the hopes I may actually get some sleep.
Firstly, I’d like to apologise for the Radio Silence. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, it’s not that I no longer want to do this, I’ve literally just had nothing to say. I’ve been in a state of static the last few weeks. Life just seems to be standing still and I’m trying to push it forward, but it isn’t really happening. I felt my voice and my thoughts haven’t really been very relevant so have kept them to myself.
Then I realised, it has been exactly one month since I shot anything and almost a month since I last wrote anything, so these things combined have kind of shocked me into action a little bit. I should be doing something, no matter how little or insignificant. Periods of unemployment can be painfully demotivating, so it’s so important to keep yourself busy or you begin to crash out of life. While I currently have no shoots planned, I think I am slowly coming back to life.
I’ve been feeling really hollow and insignificant recently, I’m constantly running myself down and I need to snap out of it. I just need my fortunes to change, even if it is only ever so slightly, just so I can get on again.
So, what has been happening? Well, I’ve been spending most of my time looking for work. This is taking up most of my days at the moment, and I’ve just been on another run of unsuccessful job interviews, which is really starting to take it’s toll. I’m starting to lose the joy in doing things which I’ve always been so passionate about, and just generally feeling pretty ‘meh’ about everything. I hate it.
The past few days have started to pick up a little. I decided I needed to be doing something more useful with my time, so as of this Wednesday, I will be volunteering at my local Cats Protection charity shop, which I am really looking forward to. I’m so excited to be doing something worthwhile and actually gaining some useful skills in the process.
Joe has been working on a new design for my website. It’s looking really good so far, I just need to sift through thousands of files now in order to find some nice, strong content to put on it. I will write another update on that once it’s launched.
I have a few small ideas which I am researching in a last ditch attempt to save my failing Photography career, I just need to research my market a little more and see if it’s worth taking the time to pursue. If it isn’t, no harm done, but I am seriously low on ideas and fast running out of luck.
This could in turn lead to me having to make a very serious decision about whether I even want to stay in this industry. There is no specific reason for my recent pessimism towards it, but I will write a more detailed post about that another time, as a good rant often helps clear the air, and the way to carry on. If I do decide to leave though, I need to have a long hard think about what I’m going to do instead. I have no transferable skills, so that still doesn’t make me very employable.
It’s safe to say that I am in a state of flux at the moment. Hence the long silence, for which I apologise. Hopefully, things will start to work themselves out and business can continue as normal, but as much as I am trying, I am not feeling particularly optimistic about this happening any time soon.
Hopefully, I will be able to look back on this post in a few months time and realise it has all just been a critical case of creative block.